I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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