i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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