I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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