guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
