Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
