i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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