well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
