____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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