Apparently you make a good broom.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
