he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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