you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
