Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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