The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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