Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
