first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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