dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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