A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
