did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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