Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
