Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
