I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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