somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
They took my balls.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
