The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
