Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
