you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
