My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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