well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
