Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
