i think my tv is drunk
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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