Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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