As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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