Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
