If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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