you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
