as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
