At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
