That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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