If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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