Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
