I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
