He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
