she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
