I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
