I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
