I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We got so high we made milksteak
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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