I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
