I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
