I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
