you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
