so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
