I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i will never coherently bang her
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
