So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
