If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
