hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
