'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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