all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
